A Dislocated Shoulder Brings Blessings In Disguise (Once I Looked For Them) Plus A Bikini Challenge

Blessings in disguise is normally an expression that makes me mildly nauseous.  Blessings are fine, but a disguised blessing generally means one has to work and/or endure pain to find it and after so many of these types of blessings, one may find it difficult to distinguish whether one is actually blessed or cursed.
However, in this case - despite everything (I am so not going to regal you with my woes of pain and suffering) - I do believe I found rainbows after the storm.
Of course, there was the obvious blessing of having written (and finished!) my first book.  Sheer exhilaration.  Anybody who's working on their first novel should know that the other side feels marvelous.  Kind of like when you first start jogging and it feels like endless torture and then all the sudden one day something clicks into place where complete mind/body/spirit alignment sets in and everything in your mind that has held you back and behind melts away and you're running and breathing effortlessly.
However, the not-so-obvious, reach-down-inside-yourself, clock-your-demons-in-the-eye blessings came with the bits of clarity that caused me to go online and search for methods of healing to "help the doctors help me".  Now, keep in mind that any savvy patient does not actually tell their doctor what things they are doing that rivals or surpasses their healing methods.  The same way you wouldn't tell somebody who gave you a wedding gift of, say, a toaster oven that somebody else bought you a convection oven. 
But anyway, there was a glut of information online explaining why so many of us are experiencing ailments such as Alzheimer's, Parkinsons, obesity, heart disease, structural maladies (such as a dislocated shoulder), etc.
The main culprit was MSG.  Apparently, somewhere circa mid1900s, gelatin - the flavor component in our foods that is derived from the boiling of bones (a staple in our diets since the beginning of time) - was replaced with MSG.  Now, while the effects of MSG on the system can be negated and vary regionally, a study of its effects on mice caused them to become obese, form lesions on their brains, and blindness, etc.  Additionally, the removal of gelatin from our diets lowered collagen levels which is essential in healing, particularly of tendons. 
So the first thing I did was to get myself some JELLO.  Vegans don't like JELLO.  It's recommended that you eat grass-fed beef broth - not JELLO - but it works great on my system since I don't regularly ingest a ton of sugar.  Apparently, you're not supposed to eat sugar while healing anything (of course, now I want a piece of cake).
And I don't care whether it's ground up lizard bones (it's not), so long as it works.  The JELLO took away this shooting pain that I got in my arm since I refused to take pain meds, and I can tell it's healing something because I've been able to not eat JELLO for longer periods of time without that pain returning.  Just to gross you out :), "the pain" is like somebody's blowing up your veins like a balloon and then brushing them with a dog brush - lol, sorry, I truly am, I couldn't resist.
The next thing that I did was compile a list of foods that worked for me.  I'm just going to say them all in one breath, so forgive me if you're the type that likes things formatted:
Lemongrass (anti-inflammatory, and incidentally lowered my blood pressure by ten points - well into normal range),
Fennel (it's like having a Christmas tree (an Oliver Twist one) in your fridge but when you eat the fronds raw its an excellent system cleanse - if you know what I mean - so that the healing stuff I was eating worked faster/better),
Thyme ( I used it with the lemongrass and fennel in a tea that was most effective when boiled for thirty minutes - just throw in a third of a stem of lemongrass, maybe a third of the fennel root and a handful of fronds, a few stems of the thyme, and two or three cups of water),
Vegetable Juice!  (Yum@!  I love it%!  I'm being totally serious - here's a great recipe that I've loved for about fifteen years now:  one beet (with the tops if you can get em), four or five cabbage leaves, fill your feeder up one and a half times with kale, then, two carrots, two celery stalks, and one clove of garlic.  This is kills/stomps-into-the-ground/annihilates, colds, depression, and brain fog),
Pineapple/Kale/Oatmeal/Fennel Smoothie!  (I am aware that this sounds like something a bulimic might enjoy but it is so good - I use the frozen pineapple from Costco so I don't have to use ice, I don't like mine too cold because it makes my stomach feel like it has bricks in it. Oh!  Also, it's not just kale -  it's the kale/spinach/chard Power Greens blend from Costco),
and Yogurt, Grapes (huge anti-inflammatory benefits on my shoulder), Iceberg Lettuce (anti-inflammatory again and calms my nerves somehow), Parsley, Papaya, MANGOES, Sardines, GREENS+ ENERGY BARS, and Trader Joe's GREEN PLANT JUICE (Yum).
And then, one time (when I probably did eat some cake) and had drunk the tea, ate the JELLO, had a smoothie, etc., and nothing worked I literally PRAYED the pain away.  Prayer changes things.  Usually not that fast, not for me anyway but it does change things.  I remember the first summer when I moved to Manhattan and it was so hot outside and in my brick oven of a building with no central air, that I hadn't slept in days.  I had no money for an air conditioning unit until the next day and was in agony so I started praying - back when God should've looked down on me and been like, "Who the blazes is that!?!", and after praying for hours (that's how desperate I was), God sent a cool breeze.  In the middle of a full-on heatwave with no end in sight - I know this because I was glued to the weather reports like we were in the middle of a war!  I thought I was delirious, but then another gust of wind came in and then another, and I was able to sleep and by the next day the weather was seventies, partly cloudy, no humidity...
don't ask me why this hasn't happened yet with the lottery....
Speaking of sleep:  NEWSFLASH, get as much as you can.  We are not superheroes, we're just ordinary people going about our lives with ordinary things happening to us.  So, I had to tell myself this and get some sleep so I could heal. 
Once again, in a run-on sentence, here's how to do it:
Nice Sheets (my favorites are midnight blue with the imprint of a moose under a sickle moon - makes me feel like I'm camping which I enjoy in theory, but not actually),
Bedspread you like to look at (mine is just white cotton, but the cotton reminds me of clouds, which reminds me of sleep - or at least daydreaming),
Sleep upright in the bed if your shoulder feels wobbly and you're afraid it'll slip out of the socket in your sleep,
Febreze Sleep Serenity - Bedding Refresher (at CVS for around five dollars),
Tea Before Bed (chamomile's great for healing, too - but if it makes you gag like it used to do me, the lemongrass is just as good, I just like variety),
and AVEDA SHAMPURE LOTION (if you don't use it, get it - if you do, then you know just what I'm talking about).
For music I was listening - of course - to Coltrane, the Love Supreme album.  Someone great once said, "Illness/Fear Cannot Exist In An Atmosphere of Love". 
Also, when I couldn't quiet my mind, I took to reading the Bible out loud and, as a last resort, opening to a page and writing down everything I saw.  Somehow the energy of the author infuses my spirit with peace and whatever angst I'm feeling just dissolves.
Finally, the hardest thing I had to do by far was be more conscientious in thoughts, actions, and speech.  Right after I injured my shoulder, all these people started coming out of the woodworks with the same injury as mine. One of which was my cousin who said, "I was scared to do anything when I dislocated my shoulder because I didn't want it to come out of the socket again, I didn't want to get in any arguments..."  I was shocked when she said that because that's exactly what Carolyn Myss related shoulder injuries to in her book, Anatomy Of The Spirit.  Everything else seems to get in the way but our relationships with God, ourselves, other people, really can chart our course in this life.
So in the course of getting in the way of what beach we're charted:) - because no post of mine is complete without crochet-talk - I wanted you to see how metallic yarn added glitz to this basic crocheted bikini design:

And issue a challenge for you to make (with elastic/cotton yarn, unless you want to go skinnydipping) and/or at least wear a bikini this summer.  When I was at a European beach, those women put the blessed bodies God gave them into their bikinis and wore them proudly!

Wishing you all of the best things,
xoxo Vanessa

As seen in Joy & Crafter article - Free Customization Instruction for A Really Easy Lightweight Crocheted Sweater Pattern Plus Tips on How To Attain Crochet Yoga Nirvana (and New Clothes Nirvana)

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Hello fellow and potential crochet geniuses!  My name is Vanessa Johnson and I design crocheted clothing (and more).  Crochet love - and bliss - began for me when I decided I needed a hobby and a few days later happened to pick up an afghan patterns book for fifty cents at a bookstand on one of the streets in Times Square New York:  in homage, also, to a compulsive shameless magpie tendency.  Anyway, there were two pages at the most on crochet in the book but they sparked an interest that has not waned in nearly twenty years. 

 

An interest that has heightened into what I call a sort of Crochet Yoga (I've sort of quit doing yoga and feel bad about it so I now I try to come up with all the different ways I'm doing yoga without actually doing it.).  Why yoga? 

1)  Because there's the hum-sa breath that I coordinate with any number of stitches, maybe breathing in for eight single crochet stitches and out for eight.  Or four, or two, or one (at least, do one).  Which keeps my mind from wandering and muscles from cramping if I'm in it for the long haul.

2)  Then there are any number of mantras I coordinate with my stitches, coordinating the cadence of the mantra to each motion of the stitch.  Such as "I am whole", "I am perfect", "I am powerful", "I am strong", "I am happy", "I am loving", "I am harmonious" (as described by Wayne Dyer, in one of his books).  So that each phrase, e.g., 'I am whole', ends with a single crochet completed.  Plus, I get to chip away at any negativity I've been retaining at the same time.....And if you tell yourself you're amazing you won't even hear the malice if people try to tell you you're not.  They'll be like:  "wonkwonkwonk".  And then you'll be like: "What an extraordinary thing to say - thanks for caring so much about me!"

3)  And, of course, there's music - nearly always a mood lifter.  I like jazz or house because I like to keep up with the percussionist (or the violinist if it's classical, since I used to play the violin and tend to like strings - bad joke, I know) if I have a lot to do in very little time.

4)  And I can't leave out my latest obsession:  The Aura Cacia Aromatherapy Room Diffuser.  If you love essential oils and believe in aromatherapy, this takes it one step further.  It's fifteen dollars (at Whole Foods) and all you do is plug it in, put one of the included diffuser pads in place and pour your fav essential oil over it and it's like being at the spa....or you could just open a window:).

 

Anyway, these four components of Crochet Yoga put me in a really good place for a really long time, during and after my crochet session.  Plus, I've made something; a sweater, a dress, or whatever, and new clothes really boost my spirits (ahem).  Speaking of which, I want to tell you about this design I've included below that is beyond easy and could help you attain Crochet Yoga nirvana. 

 

First of all, the yarn only cost me thirty dollars!  I got the maize and white yarn Aunt Lydia's Crochet Thread, Classic 10, at Michael's craft store:

And then, technically, the "pattern" - which is really two squares of the crocheted fabric sewn together, with the black and white panels used for contour - only takes one full day of crocheting.  You could finish in a weekend, or over the course of a week on the train on the way to work, or during an international flight if that's how you roll.  Because you could totally wear this as a beach coverup or as an extra layer on cool nights since you can scrunch this wrinkle resistant sweater up and it only takes up a small corner of your hobo bag.

 

So, let me tell you how to custom design this for yourself, since that's how I spend most of my time these days:

1)  First, buy about four skeins of Aunt Lydia's crochet thread (fingering weight), a skein of the white, and a skein of sport weight black cotton yarn.  And make sure you have an E and an N hook.

2)  Measure from one elbow, across the shoulders, and to the other elbow to obtain the width of your sweater.

3)  Determine your gauge by treble crocheting ten stitches, if you're not using the fingering weight recommended.  Otherwise, ten treble crocheted stitches will equal two inches using an E hook. 

4)  Determine the amount of stitches needed for your measurements by dividing your measurements by the gauge.  For example, if your measurements are 40 inches, then you will need to chain 205 for 200 treble crocheted stitches (using the last 4 chains as the first treble crochet in your next row).  By the way, 40 inches is a pretty safe guesstimate for one size fits all if you don't feel like doing your own measurements.

5)  Treble crochet until piece measures the height you desire.  Do this twice for front and back.  To measure height, start measuring tape at your shoulders and measure down the body.

6)  Partially sew the sides of your crocheted fabric together and leave 8 - 12" inches unsewn at the top to create a generous armhole.  To measure armhole, start at shoulders and measure down the side of the body to desired height.

7)  Using an N hook for all the black and white borders, single crochet black and white together in every other treble crochet for fourteen rows around hem of sweater and bind off.

8)  Single crochet black and white together in every stitch for seven rows around the armholes (do not attach the front to the back yet), bind off.  Do this twice.

9)  Single crochet black and white together in every stitch for two rows across entire top of sweater - from black and white detailing to black and white detailing on the other edge.  Do this twice.

10) Measure shoulder width and subtract this number from the inches of the top of the crocheted fabric.  Then halve the number you come up with, and with black and white together, single crochet that number of stitches together on each edge at top of garment.  So, if your shoulder measurement was sixteen inches, then you would subtract that from forty to get twenty-four inches.  Half of twenty-four inches would be twelve and that is the number of inches you would single crochet on each side, starting from the outer edges and moving inward.

11) Single crochet black and white together in one stitch, then single crochet two stitches together for first row, then single crochet every stitch for fifteen more rows (sixteen total) around neckline and bind off.

 

So, here you have ended your Crochet Yoga session and you are now aligned with the Golden Chain of Crocheter Yogis, plus you've designed this marvelous thing you're going to have to stop yourself from wearing all the time! 

 

For more patterns or if you just want me to make it for you, visit http://www.vannazhandz.com. or +Vanessa Johnson.

To access my blog where I often feature crochet designs I've created, it's http://jazzoftheuniverse.blogspot.com/

 

Wishing you every good thing,

xoxo Vanessa

 

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